For as long as I can actively remember I have gone by my middle name. My first name is rather common and traditional and I was always searching for...something. To be more, to feel special. So I went by my middle name.
I don't want to do that anymore.
I feel this overwhelming need to distance myself from that girl. She's the girl who fell in love with this impossible dream of forever love. She's the girl who was foolishly hopeful. She's the weak girl.
I want to be the strong mama who does the very best for her babe. I want to be the strong woman who establishes her career and makes something of herself. I feel like I'm growing away from that middle name persona. Obviously I'm not having a complete personality change but...I'm not the person I was when I got married and I'm grateful for that. If I'm honest I'm a little embarrassed that I was the person I was in my past. All of the red flags seem blindly clear now but I guess that's to be expected.
I'm still kooky. I'm still me. But I'm a more mature me and I want my name to reflect that.
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